Part 2
You know what they say about hindsight? If I could go back in time and tell myself something it would be "Stay the hell off the Internet." That's just good advice for anyone Darrell thought.
He thought of himself as the old fashioned type. You know the kind always doing things the old fashioned way. That old get someone pregnant and be forced into marriage rather than by choice. Probably add that "Now what?" type of excitement to the mix. All that planning ahead stuff could just make you rich or boring. The ad he responded to didn't seem to be going anywhere.
A click here and there and it looked like he could write his own. Time to roll himself a fatty and put on the old creative writing music. Maybe later he would be rolling a different kind of fatty he thought jokingly to himself. He wondered if women ever thought like that of men. He thought of it as a joke and probably should have read some of the other ads before diving head first into the abyss. Now here is probably one of those life lessons in what not to write on the Internet, and also just because something is free doesn't mean it's a good idea. He thought the comical approach is best. Last thing he wanted was having to pretend. Some of his friends, those so called players are often pretenders.
Darrell's friends would lie their ass off and somehow pickup women. Some of these end up in the family situation. He wondered if they still kept up the lie or came clean of their deceptions. He popped his knuckles and stretched as if he was about to do a strenuous activity. Maybe some JJ Fad "Supersonic" to set the mood. Here is how the ad read. Not picky but if you happen to be a supermodel that wants to lower their standards and show me off like some sort of Hillbilly man candy the I'm your man. He'll I thought about taking a couple weeks off and doing some super modeling myself. My life can best be described as an episode of The Dukes of Hazzard waiting to happen. Back in the day I may have appeared out of the fog walked up ripped my shirt off and said "My name is Darrell but you can call me tonight" winked and then got on a wild one eyed mountain sheep and rode off into the sunset. If I tried that these days someone would just mace me for good measure.
Not to say I don't do the shirtless break dancing in the mirror and flexing when it's assumed nobody is watching. What am I looking for in a woman besides a lot of alcohol and a willing attitude? Maybe a good time that I won't remember wondering how I got there and the awkward morning conversation. I like long walks on the beach but there is only a small river so I walk back and forth a lot. Well if I haven't seduced you by now as they say before an ATV accident "Hold my beer I'm gonna try something." Turns out I've been wearing space pants this whole time. As a friend with a Southern accent might say "Lucky he hasn't seduced his self. Last time we had to get the garden hose." Well if you're like me and your life consists of one bad decision after another than one more couldn't hurt. You know how it is, cooler than glow in the dark nunchakus. My name ain't Paul but I can do it all. When I get up in the morning I do one of those karate moves on to my feet put my pants on both legs at a time and kool-aid man right through the wall.
Don't know how to dance but a little liquid courage I'll cut the rug in half and embarrass the crap out of myself and you. Dropping more lines than a bank has dimes give Darrell a reply when you have the time. Darrell finished his ad and filled out the other boxes. A couple of clicks and away it went. Darrell had no idea what type of Pandora's Box he was about to open. Anyone who would respond to that one was just as crazy as him. Along would be trouble turning everything to rubble. Darrell laughed and thought maybe someone would have a laugh. Unfortunately he never bothered to look at what the content of other people's ads were. He would discover there was a world of things hidden on the Internet distant from what he was familiar with.